Joan: um. okay.

Linda: i know you are sitting there thinking “she is so fucking WEIRD”

Joan: actually, i am reading about ginormous schlong. you interrupted.

Linda: seriously? LINK.

Joan: YES. Seriously. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/16/jonah-falcon-largest-penis-frisked-by-tsa_n_1675767.html

Linda: omg. you one upped me! i want to fuck him just to know what it would be like. Penis Mount Everest

Joan: i would be afraid of that peen

Linda: really? i’d just lube it up and go!

Joan: cervical bruising

Linda: oh. yeah, that might be a problem. my ex husband was 9″ erect, and it was too much. i like a normal sized penis really in all honestly, but i just would want to say I fucked the largest penis on record

Joan: yeah, i suppose there are bragging rights.

Linda: although, who could i really tell? LOL!

Joan: biggest dude i was ever with? it was too big. i almost felt bad for him.

Linda: i was with a guy like that too. he was honestly. HONESTLY. 11″ I measured. it was ridiculous.

Joan: yeah, i’m all… how do you not pass out? there was a dude we used to know. ex dh’s former roommate. the rumor was that he had gigantor dick. he was in a porn that some other dudes we knew had seen, wearing a long, blonde wig. it was second-hand confirmed dick

Linda: *snort*

Joan: and my sister and my gay roommate are all, BETWEEN THE TWO OF US WE WILL SEE THIS PEEN.

Linda: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joan: like, they had their bases covered. The pact was in place.

Linda: i am dying over here

Joan: and so, eventually, with the right party situation, my sister succeeds in getting him naked and erect. and this is like 5 am

Linda: omg

Joan: Then she comes downstairs at the crack of dawn, half-dressed, yelling up the stairs, YOU ARE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT THING!

Linda: AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Joan: she tells the gay roommate, I HAVE SEEN THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN, BEAVIS. and then we had to leave.

Priapus

"Oakdale Corner Nude Stand," via VintageNerds

If you look at vintage nudes, you can tell where the 5lbs of powermesh and elastic landed. At the waist. They’ve got indented waists.

June Palmer, probably shot by Harrison Marks, sometime in the 60's, also via VintageNerds

Now, if you look at enough recent nudes, on many woman with any reasonably amount of body fat, you can see where the denim lands—you can see the residual effects of ten years of low waist jeans and the thongs they seem to require. The so-called “muffin top” zone. On a lot of women, you can see where bra lands in that space under the arm, too. I know I’ve got a permanent strap indention in each shoulder.

It’s not one of those things a lot of people consciously see, but now I can’t un-see it.

London Andrews in Chicago.

It’s like the spot where your lost ring used to be or the ridge where your glasses land.

Only nuder.

Do men really wear their watches up that high up on the wrist? Also, if you click through to see this in the original color? It completely ruins the effect.

There are some spots on the body that work better than others–they’re more sensitve.  There are people that can be had just by blowing on the right spot on their neck or having their thighs touched just so.

Where his hand is on her side up there?

That spot sets off a cascade of other spots.  Some spots tense up.  The chest lifts.  The lungs empty.

I’m also really sensitive along my pelvic bone–the jutting-out part of the hips.  It’s partway between ticklish and arousing.

And, I just can’t cope with having the backs of my knees touched.  I don’t know why.  It’s like I’m incredibly vulnerable there.  I plead for the spot to be left alone. I kick and hyperventilate.  I just can’t stand it.  Which is useful if a man is feeling sadistic.