Brace yourself for some Grade A Creeper-fap (h/t to Betsy Dornbusch) from the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America’s Bulletin by C. J. Henderson:

The reason for Barbie’s unbelievable staying power, when every contemporary and wanna-be has fallen by the way-side is, she’s a nice girl. Let the Bratz girls dress like tramps and whores. Barbie never had any of that. Sure, there was a quick buck to be made going that route but it wasn’t for her. Barbie got her college degree, but she never acted as if it was something owed to her, or that Ken ever tried to deny her.

She has always been a role model for young girls, and has remained popular with millions of them throughout their entire lives, because she maintained her quiet dignity the way a woman should.

Ron Jeremy says, “That’s exactly what he learned at Real Doll Re-education Camp!”

STILL NOT KIDDING.

So, I thought, just for the sake of educating the public, I’d do a minor exploration of an actual thing, out there, in the actual world.

Dollification.

You read that right.

Doll-ifi-cation.

What is dollification?  Well, allow me to quote dollification.com!

dollification: the process of evolving, mentally and physically, into a “living doll.” Individuals who desire this process-as well as those who are in the midst of the process or have already achieved an end result-may be described as “dolls,” and most desire as well to be owned. The parties involved in dollification are referred to as “Owner”and “doll”; this is comparable to a Master/slave or Dom/sub relationship.

Mental traits of a doll include but are not limited to: enjoyment of objectification and natural subservience, the underlying will to be transformed through one’s own and/or outside forces into a living doll, ultimately, the capacity to feel/see oneself in a dollific manner, which the doll will continuously strive to achieve and/or improve.

Don’t you feel educated?!

Many dollification fans do tend to fixate on “demure” dollies, like Japanese ball joint dolls and porcelain dolls.  When you start converting women into dolls, you stop worrying about their degrees–dolls just sort sitting there waiting to be manipulated by their owners and all. Barbie may be a Doctor who’s bad at math, but when you value her for stately silence and the modesty you deigned to provide, she’s a just another baby doll in the context of comparing an actual woman to a doll.  Anyone that’s played with dolls knows that the doll is only what the owner brings to it–I won’t tell you what nefarious activities my childhood Barbies got up to.

Dollification enthusiasts tend to also dig on what they call “Bimbo-ification,” (bask in that education) which, using the patented C. J. Henderson Doll Whore Scale (not that I’m saying he has one… just that one is implied) is an attempt to emulate something more like a  Bratz doll, I guess, what with having whorish ambition (which Mr. Henderson can clearly discern because… Bratz dolls aren’t rich, blonde, white women? I don’t know. It is a mystery.)

Bimbos intentionally work the Living Sex Doll angle. Despite the fact that Bratz are “younger” than Barbie, both in brand life and narrative intention, they’re also at least given the agency to acknowledge their own sexuality, instead of “maintaining quiet dignity, like a woman should.” Not that really, either of these isn’t fraught with, well, the essence of distilled objectification.

“My blind and docile thing. Her hollowed hands, her painted eyes, empty with waiting.”

-Avery Vain, on Twitter

Where fetishists and C. J. Henderson part ways is when the fetishes at least acknowledge objectification as a key point in why they get off on the idea.

Anastasiya Shpagina

I found this mess thanks to Karina Cooper, guest-blogging for Chuck Wendig.

It’s not about titillation. It’s the gawking urge. It’s what kept freakshows alive. Or, reality TV.

Most weird porn is just weird for the sake of being weird. Shots set up like it’s Bergman!  Decorative lizards! Singing about magical tacos! Why is grandpa in the back of the room? What the hell is going on here?

Those are awesome.

And some of it is specialty material for the fetish market.

There is something terrifically honest about genuine fetish porn.

There’s a lot of fake fetish material out there. It’s not actually fetishistic. It’s porn with BDSM dressing. Hot chicks in chains. Dominatrixes in goofy costumes, where, in the end, the man reasserts his penis. ”Fetish” as a sex industry marketing term.

No. I am talking about the stuff that’s not actually sexy, unless you’re part of the club. It starts somewhere in the latex encasing/pet play/adult baby zone, fully includes the feet and nylon people, pure spankos, pure bondage enthusiasts, the furries and woolies, the baked goods/mud/washing machine sitters, and ends up out there in a spot where it’s possible you’re not even clued into the fact that you’re watching fap video at all.

Like balloon poppers:

Or, shoulder riders:

Or, pedal pushers:

That is an actual fetish.

If you’ve got an actual weird, out-there sort of fetish?

You’re uniquely isolated.

You’re riding the internet version of asking for the magazines wrapped up in brown paper. You’re stuck with a limited pool of people on the inside, and there’s just not an enormous amount of room for being shallow about physical appearances.

There is no pick-up line for being into genuinely weird sexual activities. You are automatically without game.

At best, you’ve got, “This is my weird thing. Please don’t leave.”

This is, of course, in comparison to people that enjoy “fetish” like it’s it’s a customization option on an electronic gadget–they want the black one that plays industrial ringtones. BDSM lifestylers. People with scene names. Conspicuous collars and goofy sets of rules and “earning your leathers” and Gor. Talks about “true” this and that.  Bragging about your credentials. “Munches.”  The whole hideously generic social “scene,” complete with predictably stylized attempts at seduction. That’s not really about “fetish.” It’s a flavor. It’s about game. Which is why it’s so rife with men that send the “get on your knees, bitch” email out en masse. And 18 year old boys that insist they’re “dominant” because they like the idea of getting blow jobs on demand.

It’s “fetish” the way that Suicide Girls is “alternative.”

So, you know, I run across these people that have these really weird, out there sorts of fetishes, and yes, sometimes I flinch. And, sometimes I cock my head to one side and just marvel at the oddity. And, sometimes I just don’t get it at all.

But, you know, even if I am flinching or gawking or totally confused, I have to salute the commitment. I can respect someone owning their sexuality. It’s brave. Even if I don’t get it.