apparently, there’s “orgasm conditioning” that utilizes hypnosis that makes it so someone can verbally order an orgasm.

— Joan Defers (@JoanDefers) March 9, 2013

My loins just winced.

— Jenny Lyn (@JennyLynwrites) March 9, 2013

I want to meet someone who has undergone this conditioning b/c I am calling bullshit

— Linzy Antoinette (@LinzyAntoinette) March 9, 2013

right?I am very skeptical.

— Joan Defers (@JoanDefers) March 9, 2013

So far as I can tell, the “best” source for this “Orgasm Conditioning,” is a Fetlife Group called “Orgasm Control Conditioning of Females,” where the big debate of the moment is about the “ethics” of using hypnosis for the purposes of, and I quote, “Perfecting Fuckmeat.”  Previously, the definition of “orgasm control” I was most familiar with had to do with not coming without permission.

These guys (and, not-so-mysteriously, it does appear to be largely made up of guys) have decided that they can go a step further.

The theory appears to be based on Pavlov’s experiment. From Submissive Guide:

An interesting training option for orgasm control is Come on Command training. It’s a form of hypnotic suggestion that can and does work. Then the Dominant totally owns your orgasms because you can’t control them yourself. A trigger word, phrase or touch sets it off.

A series.

This week shall be all about orgasms.

Or, at least, the history of orgasms.

You can blame this on the porn. I am going to.

As did the Ancient Caveladies of Ye Olden Tymes

There are a handful of evolutionary theories out there about female orgasm.

Now, some scientists think that women only have orgasms because they have “vestigial organs.”  The clitoris is embryonic penis debris, and female orgasm isn’t evolutionarily adaptive.

It’s an exploitable bug, more than a product feature.

Some scientists think that female orgasm has some “useful” functions–it increases female libido, it ups the odds of conception through cervical spasms, and it encourages heterosexual pair bonding. That sort of thing.

But my personal favorite is the Cave Lady Group Sex idea.

Because some scientists nick the whole “pair bonding” thing altogether.

Real Time Photo of Ancient Cave Lady

So, some scientists have suggested that women orgasm, not just the one time per session, but potentially many times because we used to be big old group sex-aholics.

Basically, if a cave-lady didn’t get satisfaction the first time, she could move onto another partner, and then maybe another. Like chimps do.  It’s possible that the orgasm ‘gender gap’ serves a purpose.

And, seeing as we all lived in bands and there were no privacy screens or Tin Lizzies or single-family detached homes, basically all sex was what we’d call exhibitionist.

It’s possible that our ancestors were horn-dog orgy experts who whittled huge-boobed ladies with giant vulvas. It has some potential adaptive advantages, most notably in a theoretical decrease in infanticide and a boost in group cohesion.

You have to admit. The theory has a certain charm, right?

Multiple orgasms: solace for the risk of being trampled to death by woolly mammoths.

Homo sapiens have been around less than half a million years, and anatomically modern humans are about 200,000 years old.  Our oldest cave paintings go back about 40 thousand years.  Permanent human settlements linked to agriculture appear to date back about 10 thousand years.  So, you know, that’s about 190 thousand years of potential cave orgies.

Alas, after we do things like “run out of megafauna” and “invent property rights” this notion that women are insatiable becomes a big problem.  When hunting and gathering stops sustaining, and you’re all on little bits of land, you’ve got three new problems: 1.) who do you assign property rights to, 2. ) who’s going to work the land, and 3.) who are you going to pass it on to?

So, humanity invents the Orgasm Police.  And, guess who’s orgasms need the most policing?

Woman as libidinous and insatiable has been the dominant human sexual narrative for much, much longer than the current notions about “frigidity” and “dysfunction.”  Ovid actually had Juno and Jove argue over who got the most pleasure out of sex.  Women won. In a lot of places, it’s still the assumed truth.  Granted, in a lot of places, the notion still does an enormous amount of harm.

Scientifically speaking, women are the more visual sex.  Women physically respond to a wider variety of erotic imagery than men, and they do it, in a lot of cases, completely unconsciously.  When we say things like “men are just visual creatures,” and “women crave emotional connection,” and we intend for those two statements to represent polar opposite approaches, we are repeating myths, and we’re doing it on faith.

You have to wonder why.

I wish I could remember the link, but about a month ago, I saw novelist compare the “climax” in pornography to the “climax” in erotic romance.

The climax in porn is, as we all know, a woman coated in semen–generally a woman apparently sated. The climax in romance, erotic or otherwise, is a declaration of eternal(ish) devotion from a man that’s recognized a woman’s unique awesomeness.

On the surface this looks like “dudes want orgasms” and “chicks want true love!”

Of course, it’s also possible that this looks like some sort of Age of Anxiety manifesto.  ”Dudes want assurance they’re adequate in satisfying a bottomless pit of female sexual want (also: assurance that semen isn’t actually icky)” and “chicks want proof that someone attractive has found them bewitching, over and over and over.”

Romance novels are like those potato chips or methamphetamine.  Once you’re hooked, you don’t stop at one.

Women don’t necessarily “want true love.”  They want “falling in love.”  Tension. Lust.  The gaze. With men. With two men. Men with men.  Men with space aliens.  Women with Vampires. Vampires with werewolves. Werewolves with humans.   Werewolves with vampires AND humans AND Australian Catholic Priests.  Over and over.

And, it doesn’t change the measurable fact that women are still easier to visually arouse than men are.  Which is to say that women get off on all of it.

Yet, somehow, here we are in 2012, with the supposed shock of “Mommy porn” and a whole new way to tell women their orgasms are inadequate.

I told you I was blaming porn.

To Be Continued…

The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 2
The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 3
The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 4