There are a ton of absolute novices asking questions.

With the tiniest bit of experience, I’ve got some advice:

1. The actual sex part of the sex scenes will not take up nearly as much space as you think it will, unless you start adding crazy stuff. You’re going to need more people, props, and limbs.  You’re going to need more scenes. Just bank on it.  When in doubt? Add a sex scene. This is how people end up writing dinosaur porn. Or, in my case, threesomes and sex parties.
2. In that vein, if you’re writing erotica (and not erotic romance) add a subplot with two different characters altogether. Write scenes with just minor characters. Write about an entire group of people. It works for Tiffany Reisz. It works for Laura Antoniou. It can work for you. This is part of why so many erotic romances are actually erotic suspense books–it needs some subplot.
3. Use all five senses, and check in with three or four others for good measure.  Sure, there’s Tab A and Slot B, but there’s also hot and cold, grounded and dizzy, the discomfort or excitement of the invasion of personal space (this is called “proprioception,”) and, of course, the fuzzy line between pain and pleasure.
4. If you’re planning on m/m or f/f for the first time, know this ahead of time: you’re going to have pronoun confusion. Lots and lots and lots of it.
5. Get used to hearing people say you’re writing porn, and get over being offended that someone might think you’re writing porn.
   
6. Don’t worry about writing “too much” sex. Do you think that horror writers are all, “I just think this vampire novel is too fangy.” Do you think military thriller guys sit around worrying that their characters are just being way too bad ass with all the blowing shit up and shooting bad guys? Fucking, no. Write the sex. Write it loud and proud. Add more.
7. That being said, if you write in public, always make sure your laptop is facing the wall.  The last think you want is Uncle Creeper sneaking up behind you, then giving you the eyebrow waggling nod.  That’ll kill your creativity.
8. There are only so many words for body parts. It’s NaNoWriMo. Go ahead and use the worst euphemisms. It’ll be hilarious later.
9. You can’t come up with anything so weird that the internet hasn’t already outdone you ten times over. There’s Darkwing Duck erotic fanfic.  There’s adult baby forums.  There’s talking pants porn. You’re probably not going to out-weird the talking pants porn. So don’t sweat it. Let your freak flag fly.
10. You’re going to be sick of sex at some point. Just completely grossed out by the whole idea of it. You will recover.

Good luck, NaNos!

Top & Bottom Photos: Caroline Mackintosh, “Thigh Deep.”
Middle Photo: John Lavin, “Rough Animals.”

“Life would be a lot easier if I were more upbeat. If I worked better in a group, and I wasn’t the kind of person that stiffens up when hugged.  If I were positive and less critical. If I stayed on the sunny side.

Life would easier if I were nice.“

I’m not nice.

I’m polite, usually, but that’s not the same thing.

I’m fair, mostly. I think fairness is undervalued in most things. Who wants fairness, when there’s in-group loyalty to be had?

I’m critical, and due to that sense of fairness, I’m paralyzingly self-critical.

Critically? I can see that it’s easier to get along in life when you’re a nice girl. When you smile and wave the pom-poms. When you’re not constantly talking about cocks and misogyny and sex dolls and… cocks.

I can’t do it.

I don’t, really, even trust nice.

Right now? I’m nervous.

I wrote something that’s not very nice.

I’m always nervous about putting new stories out there in the big, wide world for everyone to see.

I’m doubly nervous, because this most recent story isn’t tempered with much humor.

You can get away with a lot of not being nice, if it’s wry.

I can manage wry.

The name of the damned series is wry.

I can only barely manage nice, even on a good day.

I’ve complained about all this before.

But can she breathe?

The weirdest thing about being a hypercritical snarker, while writing for an actual audience, is that I feel entirely disconnected from how most people appear to read.

Readers, in general, are supposedly looking for what I think of as the Maas list:

• A Superlative Character: The best detective, the richest hero, the purest girl, the oldest vampire, the meanest biker, the smartest professor, the domliest dom, the subbiest sub, who has a:
• Palatable “Conflicted” Fatal Flaw: a quirky personality disorder, a romantically dark past as a poor person, humorous clumsiness and/or sexual abuse PTSD, an abiding love of humanity, Catholic guilt, having no game with the ladies, a dysfunctional family, an overdeveloped sense of interpersonal loyalty, must defeat:
• The Sexy Enemy: the charismatic head of INTERPOL, the evilest crazy slut, the armies of several kingdoms, the Fairy King, the head of the Colombian Cartel, a guy who sounds suspiciously like Rupert Murdoch, HIS FATHER, the whole world whut does not understand the magic of fancy underpants games.

The Superlative Character with the Palatable Fatal Flaw must defeat the Sexy Enemy in a battle for the Ultimate Prize:

•  restoring humanity’s rightful heritage, rescuing at-risk youth, preserving her family name, defeating an evil God, winning all the drug trade in the Western US (or Eastern Europe), saving the ENTIRE WORLD, or finding deepest, truest, lifelong, undimming, forevermore, loverly love and then having a zillion babies.

So… yeah.

That’s the kind of High Stakes Bingo that really affects people.

Everything needs to be turned up to 11, as soon as possible, so as to “hook” the reader. Heroes must be heroic. The thieves need codes.  Hope must ring eternal.

The ending better be happy.

So, I see a lot of readers that use superlatives in reviews:  The hero is so hot they melted; they laughed, they cried, they squealed; it was the best thing they’ve ever read, they will die if they can’t have the next installment immediately.

I don’t fall in love with characters–not mine or anyone else’s. This is a huge thing. Danielle Steele used to claim she fell in love with all of her characters, and she thought that was why people liked them so much. She loved them, so other people loved them. The closest thing I can personally compare to “falling in love with a character” is actually falling into awe over how Tolstoy wrote the inner life Ilya Andreyevich Rostov. <— (That’s easily the least sexy sentence I’ve ever written. Sweet Jesus.)

I fall in love with writers. 

I fall in love with bodies of work–repeated motifs, commitment to building an aesthetic, obvious pre-occupations, Quixotic battles with stuff that just isn’t going to get resolved. Ever.

I fall for weird bits of truth.

A lot of what I like best is just plain depressing to most people.

I do this thing where I oscillate between “Whatevah, I do what I want, ’cause I’m awesome,” and, “Self, why are we not writing about Byronic Billionaire Doctor-Rockstars?! Are we insane?! Why must we be so difficult?”

I don’t know why I must be so difficult.

But… I don’t plan on any brooding punk rock podiatrists in the future.

I guess I’m committed.

There’s a reason!

This will be out June 30th!

Katie-bug

What was the working title of this book?

It was Taking Care of Yourself, but I decided that just sounded entirely too much like masturbation porn.

Where did the idea for this book come from?

I am a deeply cynical person. It’s inspired by Fifty Shades of Grey. I wanted to write my version of what happens when someone much wealthier and dominant actually ends up with someone broke and unsuspecting.

What genre does your book fall under?

Smut! What else! It’s erotica. The last one actually sort of nudged up against erotic romance. This one is more ambiguous.

Which actors would you choose to play your characters in a movie rendition?

This is going to sound weird, but I can see Bobby Cannavale and Jennifer Hudson, though, really? I wouldn’t inflict this sort of thing on either of them. They seem like perfectly nice people.

What is the one-sentence synopsis of your book?

It’s pretty much about how one woman feels about selling her soul.

How long did it take you to write the first draft of your manuscript?

I don’t recall. 10 days, maybe?

What else about your book might pique the reader’s interest?

Gang bangs and threesomes, people. Gang bangs and threesomes.

I’m sorry. Menage.

Katie-bug. Available June 30th!

It’s processing.

Now I need a shot to calm my nerves. This is terrifying for some reason.

Linzy Antoinette was gracious enough to invite me to participate. You can click the following link to learn more about Linzy and her upcoming book!

In this blog hop, I and my fellow authors, in their respective blogs, have answered ten questions about our book or work-in–progress (giving you a sneak peek). We’ve also included some behind-the-scenes information about how and why we write what we write–the characters, inspirations, plotting and other choices we make. I hope you enjoy it!

Please feel free to comment and share your thoughts and questions. Here is my Next Big Thing!

1: WHAT IS THE WORKING TITLE OF YOUR BOOK?

Like Sugar. Well, that’s the final title. The working title was “Failure as an Art Form.”  But, you know… that’s not at all sexy. Not even a little.

2: WHERE DID THE IDEA COME FROM FOR THE BOOK?

I wanted to play with the student/teacher trope.  So many of them are Sexy Bad Girl seduces the Hapless Professor with a dash of Girls Gone Wild.  Or, some variation of the Stern Teacher with a ruler.  Honestly, for being such a goof of a trope, there is a lot going on–there’s the inherent power deferential and the tension of professional indiscretion.   There’s the idea of youth as a commodity, youthful as a synonym for attractive–I could go off on the ”college girl” archetype, as a tangent, but you’re all in luck–I won’t. (You’re welcome.)

3. WHAT GENRE DOES YOUR BOOK COME UNDER?

Oh, it’s smut.  Definitely smut.

4: WHICH ACTORS WOULD YOU CHOOSE TO PLAY YOUR CHARACTERS IN A MOVIE RENDITION?

I am so, so bad at this sort of thing.

When I picture them, the most likely dopplegangers are Cam Damage (NSFW) and some sort of hybrid of Paul Rudd and Tucker Max. Tucker Rudd.   Though, I suppose Max is firmly headed for Paul Rudd territory at this point. There’s a dude that needs a new direction.

5: WHAT IS THE ONE-SENTENCE SYNOPSIS OF YOUR BOOK?

A student strikes an unlikely and perverse deal with her chemistry professor.

6: IS YOUR BOOK SELF-PUBLISHED, PUBLISHED BY AN INDEPENDENT PUBLISHER, OR REPRESENTED BY AN AGENCY?

After much deliberation, I’m going self-pub with all those “in-between” length stories I wrote back 2011.  This will be the first of five.  They’re all set in the same town, the characters are all connected, and the theme is “good girls.” I think, at some point, I’ll probably do several on “bad girls.”

7: HOW LONG DID IT TAKE YOU TO WRITE THE FIRST DRAFT OF YOUR MANUSCRIPT?

A week? Maybe? I forget.

8: WHAT OTHER BOOKS STORY WOULD YOU COMPARE THIS STORY TO WITHIN YOUR GENRE?

“Anything for an A” by Guy New York comes to mind.  Only, with d/s.

9: WHO OR WHAT INSPIRED YOU TO WRITE THIS BOOK?

I couldn’t tell you. Masturbatory fantasies? I like the trope, so there’s that.

10: WHAT ELSE ABOUT YOUR BOOK MIGHT PIQUE THE READER’S INTEREST?

I plan on launching it on March 31st.

Cover reveal!

As you can see, I went with “Macro Body Parts.”

Below you will find authors who will be joining me by blogging, next Wednesday. Do be sure to bookmark and add them to your calendars for updates on WIPs and New Releases! Happy Writing and Reading!

Jenny Lyn: she’s got so many new things in the works, I’m not sure what she’ll pick.

Anastasia Vitsky: she’s also got a lot going on, but I promise there will be spankings!

I never met a nude typist I didn’t want to post.

Between the election and NaNoWrimo, I’m slacking on the blog.

I am at 21,307 words.

So, I’m not actually slacking on everything.

“The Trains Stopped Coming 40 Years Ago” by Corwin Prescott. Model is Chunni Bellah, 2012

I like how she’s almost out the door.  I sort of feel that way.

For the next 30 days, I’m looking at a lot of drafting.

So far what I’ve got outlined is sort of like ”Thelma & Louise,” only with a lot more fucked up sex.  Kind of.  If Thelma and Louise were frenemies. And the desert was full of lesbians on Vespas and magical trees.

But, yes!  It’s NaNoWriMo time again. If you’d like to friend me, my profile is here.

Something not particularly limited to DD books stuck out for me, though.

Readers want likable characters they can root for. If the heroine’s offense is minor, readers dislike the hero because he looks like a bully. If she commits a serious offense that can be seen as a moral failing – infidelity, endangering the lives of her children, readers dislike her. So as an author, you have to skate a very thin line down the middle of the two extremes.

I am unconvinced on this “likable” thing.  I’m plotting this month, so I’m actually sort of stuck on this concept–all the things that aren’t “allowed.”

My main character is a big old moral failure.

She’s going to do all sorts of unforgivable things that’ll get you snubbed at PTA meetings.

Every piece of advice out there suggests I’ve shot my story in the foot.  Women don’t want to read about a woman that’s “unlikable.”  No sluts, no bad moms. And, women are the primary audience for erotic fiction.

I wonder what it is that makes a reader turn on a character?  Why must the heroine be an unusually good person? Does that go double if she’s doing something as heinous as having really, really good sex?

Why isn’t being flat out fucking stupid verboten?  Because, believe me, there are a ton of unforgivably stupid heroines out there, and those are the ones I want to smack.  You know the ones:  she runs out after having a tantrum, gets caught by Dastardly Dan, has to be rescued.

Why is that okay?  How the hell is that “likable?”

I’m pretty sure they’re flirting with “moral failure” there. Krysta Kaos and Tomi Knox, photographed by Bella Blush.  Click image for link.

I guess my problem is that I don’t personally enjoy ”likable” characters.

“Likable,” so far as we’re defining it as “never dealing in moral failings,” is boring.

Imagine Tony Soprano with no moral failings.  I mean, really.

Nora Sutherlin seems to have an audience. Lady Mary Crawley is doing okay. Nancy Botwin. Katniss Everdeen. Hell, Liz freaking Lemon is racist and neurotic.

“Girls like her, my grandfather once warned me, girls like her turn into women with eyes like bullet holes and mouths made of knives. They are always restless. They are always hungry. They are bad news. They will drink you down like a shot of whisky. Falling in love with them is like falling down a flight of stairs. What no one told me, with all those warnings, is that even after you’ve fallen, even after you know how painful it is, you’d still get in line to do it again.”

- Holly Black, from Black Heart

Maybe it doesn’t really matter so much, outside of explicitly religious love stories?

Porno directors don’t have these dilemmas.

Down. There.

There’s an anal sex scene that manages to never reference an ass or an anus.

Hence, The Generator:

Leaving my panties sunny side up on the floor was the least of my worries as his timed slimer slid deeper into my other vagina.

Heh. Classy.

Julian Mandel, Nu allongé dans le boudoir, 1930’s.  I bet if it were called “quivering love mounds” it would still sound pretty fancy in French.

Yesterday, Richard Thomas at LitReactor said that there were really only six acceptable terms.

For men, keep it simple. I think I’ve only ever used the words penis, dick and cock. Anything else just seems strange, and to be honest, makes me laugh. So no throbbing manhood or spear of salvation—or whatever flowery or weird phrase you’re trying to incorporate into your writing. It just doesn’t work.

For women, likewise, keep it simple. Breast or breasts are probably the most common words used, but I’ve also seen tits work in the right setting. “Honey, I love your tits. Them titties are the reason I keep working so hard.” To me, tits can often sound harsh coming from a male POV, but coming from a woman’s POV it can work. “He ran his tongue over my flushed tits and gently bit down on my nipple.” Something like that might work.

That only leaves the complicated and mystical female nether regions. See, sounds ridiculous, doesn’t it? I try to avoid naming this famed portal of pleasure because, again, from a male POV it can sound aggressive. But the obvious choices are vagina, pussy and cunt.

I have never read any of his sex scenes, but I do wonder how you write sex that includes Dick and Tits, but no Mystical Female Nether Regions.

I actually enjoy an occasional flowery euphemism. They stick with you. Sometimes they stick for the wrong reasons, but hey! You can’t win them all.

Really, there are two reasons to go with creative nether-regional phrasing:  you don’t wish to offend the delicate sensibilities of the type of woman who dutifully brings her coupons to the Winn-Dixie every Saturday, or you just start to go a little nuts with how often your brain coughs up the same word over and over in your mind. Take “dick.” You start to sound like a dick stopwatch in your own mind. Dick, dick, dick, dick, dick. You live in a mental race where it’s always dick o’clock.  (See what I mean about a decent euphemism?)  So, you’re all, well, I’ll alternate. Dick-cock, dick-cock, dick-cock.

I’ll stop.

Anyway. What are your favorite terrible euphemisms?