Discipline: Adding Rules and Discipline to Your BDSM Relationship

Several months ago, Mr. Daddy put on his Dom Hat and decided that we needed something contract-y.

And, I laughed, because, hello!  That sort of thing can be pretty darned funny.

“Oh, really?  Are you going to add a border full of official looking clip art?  Can you used fancy Ye Olden Script?!  Oooh. Can we include lots of pretend legalese!”

I do believe his reaction was something like, “I’m going to take that legalese out on your ass.”

For the record, he did bring home something in Ye Olden Fancy Font, just to crack me up.

Because it’s still pretty darned funny.

So, now I’ve got rules.

In Ye Olden Fancy Dragon Script.

It’s one of those things you do just have to jump into. You have no idea if the water is cold!  At first I was very self-conscious. This was that whole scary 24/7 thing that sad people try to use to prove they’re not poseurs.

Then months down the line, it’s all old hat.  Boring even.

My tips for the adding of rules and discipline, from a Sexy Contract Noob:

1. It’s okay to laugh. Really. If it’s not okay to laugh, then, maybe you need to dial the Srs Bsns down just a smidgen.
2. Don’t start with that gigantic list those contract generators spit out. Start with a handful of things you think are really helpful or really hot or really in need of mindfulness and work.  See if you can manage those first.  It’s no fun to be set up for failure.
3. Set up a time frame for a formal re-evaluation. Maybe you can add minutia! Maybe you were too ambitious in the first version. We had the big discussion about How it All Went last week. I think we should have had it sooner. I would have liked something more like 3 months. We went something more like 5 before really re-evaluating.
4. It’s helpful to be very clear about motives. There’s nothing more weird and potentially a turn off about doing something pointless, or even mildly distasteful, and having no idea why. Let’s just say, we’ve had a lot of panty-wearing battles at Casa de Joan this year, and I always lose.
5. Maybe I’m a big old baby who doesn’t have Deep Dark DeSade Monsters living in the depths of my psyche, but I think a system of punishments could do with the occasional reward. If you’re not of the Dark and Tortured bent, then remember that your new contract can literally contain anything you want.  It doesn’t have to be one long list of “don’ts” and punishments.  The word “training” is sort of overused in BDSM land, and sometimes you can train with treats.

And, good luck to Lily on her forthcoming book!

Joan 1:12 pm: as long as it’s not rick santorum related

Him 1:12 pm: ok. scratch that then. nevermind.
Him 1:15 pm: I was going to have you masturbate with rick santorum.

Joan 1:15 pm: damn

Him 1:15 pm: Guess that’s out then, huh?

Joan 1:15 pm: it would be the female equivalent of pushing rope

Him 1:16 pm: I want you to masturbate with the favored glass dildo. Then, I want you on your knees in my office ready for my cock within 15 minutes of me getting home.

Joan 1:17 pm: one of the dildos is flavored?
Joan 1:17 pm: ew. toxic.
Joan 1:17 pm: oh wait
Joan 1:17 pm: favored

Him 1:17 pm: …