It really sounds like the title of an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, right?
But, lucky for us, it’s not.
It’s much, much worse.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-15h55m18s191](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-15h55m18s191.png)
Yes, my friends. It’s going to be like that.
This is parody porn.
![driller](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/driller.jpg)
I had no idea there was a serious artistic gap between Rocky Horror and Thriller, but obviously someone saw the potential. They spent 100,000 dollars on this thing. In 1984. For real.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-16h01m18s212](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-16h01m18s212.png)
He’s a little bit Jackson and a little bit Prince, and I am pretty sure the vocals are a woman.
So, our leading lady in awesome glasses is at her favorite “hot star” concert, and her boyfriend belittles her taste.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-17h52m54s106](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-17h52m54s106.png)
“We could be at an Elvis Costello show, right now.”
They go back to her parents, where he (and I quote) requests that she “suck my wanger.”
![As you can see, she's really into the](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h22m41s57.png)
As you can see, she’s really into the “wanger” plan.
She sends wanger away, and then goes upstairs to go to bed.
She falls asleep watching a horror movie.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h28m26s173](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h28m26s173.png)
Uh-oh.
And, then…
…a Weird Porn Wednesday first…
JAZZ HANDS!
Sometimes a sexual zombie just has to dance!
Y’all.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h35m04s56](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h35m04s56.png)
At least he appears to be professionally trained.
*sighs*
Okay. So, Zombie Nation finishes their number, and it’s time for sexing.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h36m50s89](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h36m50s89.png)
That is the appropriate expression, my dear.
Only, sexytime gets Driller so het up that he TRANSFORMS.
![Sadly, there's no awesome Vincent Price voice over.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/drillah.gif)
Sadly, there’s no awesome Vincent Price voice over.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!!!
He whips out the fake, floppy Werewolf wang, and we discover why this is named Driller.
![That's right. It spins. Aaaand it sounds like a power drill.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/spins.gif)
That’s right. It spins. Aaaand it sounds like a power drill.
This movie was, for real, factually, banned in Massachusetts for “bestiality.”
![These poor people. The longer I stare at this, the worse the giggles get.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/weardong.gif)
These poor people. The longer I stare at this, the worse the giggles get.
Added detail?
![That ain't right.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h52m59s60.png)
That ain’t right.
Then he kidnaps her and whisks her away to his terrible, very expensive castle!
![Yup. This is a screenshot.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h53m18s246.png)
Yup. This is a screenshot.
At Castle Driller, all sorts of nefarious sexual shenanigans transpire!
![Quasimodo spanks a fake French chick.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h57m19s96.png)
Quasimodo spanks a fake French chick.
![Two guys in gimp masks have sex with a gauze covered woman.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-18h57m54s189.png)
Two guys in gimp masks have sex with a gauze covered woman.
![Two gold ladies make it with a light-up double-sided dong.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h01m40s149.png)
Two golden ladies pretend to make it with a double-sided Gloworm.
Our nerdy kidnapping victim is shocked!
![Dammit, Janet.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h03m30s221.png)
Dammit, Janet.
Seriously, get a good look at the glo-dildo.
![These would be a huge hit at Burning Man, I bet.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h07m10s117.png)
These would be a huge hit at Burning Man, I bet.
She’s chased into a graveyard by undead lesbians, and runs into these weirdos:
![Never underestimate the power of surprise.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/jump.gif)
Never underestimate the power of surprise.
Then there’s another dance scene with Driller.
![Zombie dance is your chance to to the Zomp.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h14m38s242.png)
The zombie dance is your chance to to the Zomp.
THEN!
There’s a really long Richard Nixon centered undead orgy.
Yes, fucking really.
![vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h17m26s113](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h17m26s113.png)
If I bothered to snark, I’d be gilding the lily.
Then moooooore dancing.
![Underneath all those maskes int eh cast of Flashdance.](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/windmills.gif)
Underneath all those masks is the cast of Flashdance.
Then, finally, Nerdy Girl succumbs to the madness:
Then… of course… MOAR DANCIN.
![What do you suppose the budge for dry ice was?](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h23m56s195.png)
What do you suppose the budge for dry ice was?
Then, at last, she wakes up from her dream.
![GLO-DONGS! I REMEMBER GLO-DONGS!](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h25m46s9.png)
GLO-DONGS! I REMEMBER GLO-DONGS!
And, who should knock at the door?
![MUAH HA HA HA HA!](/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/vlcsnap-2013-07-10-19h26m06s213.png)
MUAH HA HA HA HA!
If you are interested in seeing more of this in action, MrParka has a youtube review.
6 Comments
Twitter: jennylynwrites
So clearly the 100k was spent on choreography. And dry ice.
Also, I kinda want a glo-dong to use as a night light.
We know they had to have purchased at least one power drill.
Seriously? ? What the actual motherfucking fuck?! O.o Also, glo-dong nightlights should *definitely* be a thing.
The crazy jumping guys. I want them to be my userpic somewhere.
LOL. Of course, being who I am, I got stuck on the spanking. Mm. Is it yummy?![:D](/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_biggrin.gif)
Everything about this is the opposite of yummy.