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The Porn Code

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They may have a point.

I was on Twitter recently, talking about deciphering arcane porn formulas. (I’m on Twitter quite a bit. If you like the blog, you could follow me. Hint, hint.)

pornmath

So, I hereby impart my vast, slightly embarrassing porn knowledge unto you.

You’re welcome.

Three People Getting it On

So, you wanna see three people get naked.

If you’re looking for male-female-female, you want a Threesome. All threesomes, in Pornlandia, involve a guy with two women.

2 ladies + 1 dude = Threesome

If you want male-male-female, but you want it to be decidedly hetero in tone and male in gaze, the tag is always DP. In Double Penetration porn, all ball-touching is incidental. Balls may only touch in feminine perineum-zones, for mere moments at a time.

(2 dudes + 1 lady) + incidental ball touching = DP

If you want male-male-female, but you don’t mind if everyone participates then, oddly enough, you’re looking for Bisexual threesomes. In Pornlandia, an explicit declaration of “bisexuality” always, always has to to with man-on-man action. In Pornlandia, all the women are inherently bi, and female bisexuality literally goes without saying. Bisexual threesome pornos, are nearly always actual gay porn. The woman is there is make it just Not Gay Enough for closeted dudes to feel safe watching actual gay porn. 80% of the time, the dude visibly loses his boner when he gets too touchy feely with the nude and present Vaginated Totem of No Homo.

(2 dudes + 1 lady) + sense of weird shame and floppy dong when a girl touches you = “Bisexual Porn”

mr. bi

Female-female-female is usually just designated Lesbian porn, unless it’s three women with an audience–then it usually ends up “orgy” porn.  Tamest orgy ever.

Male-male-male is just gay porn. I’m not actually sure I’ve ever seen specifically “three-way” gay porn, but I imagine it’s out there?

Oddly enough, in written commercial erotica, all groupings of three are Menage.

Any grouping that include a transperson generally gets tossed into the (offensively termed) Tranny and Shemale tags.

More than Three People Getting it On

First, terminology:

Orgies and “Swingers parties” are 3+ affairs with Limited Incidental Ball-touching. In real life, swingers are generally pretty anti-ball-touching as a subculture. Seriously. They do not appreciate roving penis. You heard it here–the swinging subculture is oddly prudish and totally heterocentric.

Unsurprisingly, orgy porn that permits ball-touching gets labeled bisexual. I know you’re really surprised. Bisexual orgy porn is fairly rare, even out of places like Germany. I think I’ve only ever seen European versions.

The real question is, what’s the orgy threshold? Where is it that we move from “group sex” to “orgy?” And, regardless of head count, the gender composition actually throws two other terms into the mix.

To begin with, there’s the Gangbang concept. Gangbangs occasionally include two women. Once you hit three vaginas, you’ve moved into “sex party” territory.

1 woman + (3 men or more) = gangbang = 2 woman + (5 men or more)

And, then there’s a newish genre where it’s sort of an inverse gangbang, called Clothed Female Nude Maleusually shortened to CFNM.

1 man + (2 women or more) = cfnm = 2 men + (3 women or more)

Group sex is usually for mixed gender groups of 4 to 7, without an acknowledged audience. Add an audience, and it’s suddenly an orgy.

A lot of American orgy porn is filmed in a party format–you can often see who’s got penetration permission based on who’s got the right color of wristband. German orgy porn is often labled “party” porn. Czech orgy porn is often “swinger” porn. Italians just use orgy–Rome and all, right? And, Brazilian orgy porn should just be avoided, so a dreadful sense of sadness and foreboding doesn’t overwhelm your sense of arousal. Same with Japan.

Also, so far as I know?  There’s no real life DVDA.  I’ve looked.

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One Comment

  1. Rich
    Posted June 5, 2013 at 5:04 am | Permalink

    It’s good to have that breakdown. How anyone finds porn is difficult to assess.

    And, why are you ever allowed to wear pants?

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