It really sounds like the title of an episode of It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, right?
But, lucky for us, it’s not.
It’s much, much worse.
Yes, my friends. It’s going to be like that.
This is parody porn.
I had no idea there was a serious artistic gap between Rocky Horror and Thriller, but obviously someone saw the potential. They spent 100,000 dollars on this thing. In 1984. For real.
He’s a little bit Jackson and a little bit Prince, and I am pretty sure the vocals are a woman.
So, our leading lady in awesome glasses is at her favorite “hot star” concert, and her boyfriend belittles her taste.
“We could be at an Elvis Costello show, right now.”
They go back to her parents, where he (and I quote) requests that she “suck my wanger.”
As you can see, she’s really into the “wanger” plan.
She sends wanger away, and then goes upstairs to go to bed.
She falls asleep watching a horror movie.
Uh-oh.
And, then…
…a Weird Porn Wednesday first…
JAZZ HANDS!
Sometimes a sexual zombie just has to dance!
Y’all.
At least he appears to be professionally trained.
*sighs*
Okay. So, Zombie Nation finishes their number, and it’s time for sexing.
That is the appropriate expression, my dear.
Only, sexytime gets Driller so het up that he TRANSFORMS.
Sadly, there’s no awesome Vincent Price voice over.
BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!!!
He whips out the fake, floppy Werewolf wang, and we discover why this is named Driller.
That’s right. It spins. Aaaand it sounds like a power drill.
This movie was, for real, factually, banned in Massachusetts for “bestiality.”
These poor people. The longer I stare at this, the worse the giggles get.
Added detail?
That ain’t right.
Then he kidnaps her and whisks her away to his terrible, very expensive castle!
Yup. This is a screenshot.
At Castle Driller, all sorts of nefarious sexual shenanigans transpire!
Quasimodo spanks a fake French chick.
Two guys in gimp masks have sex with a gauze covered woman.
Two golden ladies pretend to make it with a double-sided Gloworm.
Our nerdy kidnapping victim is shocked!
Dammit, Janet.
Seriously, get a good look at the glo-dildo.
These would be a huge hit at Burning Man, I bet.
She’s chased into a graveyard by undead lesbians, and runs into these weirdos:
Never underestimate the power of surprise.
Then there’s another dance scene with Driller.
The zombie dance is your chance to to the Zomp.
THEN!
There’s a really long Richard Nixon centered undead orgy.
Yes, fucking really.
If I bothered to snark, I’d be gilding the lily.
Then moooooore dancing.
Underneath all those masks is the cast of Flashdance.
Then, finally, Nerdy Girl succumbs to the madness:
He looks really into it, right?
Then… of course… MOAR DANCIN.
What do you suppose the budge for dry ice was?
Then, at last, she wakes up from her dream.
GLO-DONGS! I REMEMBER GLO-DONGS!
And, who should knock at the door?
MUAH HA HA HA HA!
If you are interested in seeing more of this in action, MrParka has a youtube review.
6 Comments
Twitter: jennylynwrites
So clearly the 100k was spent on choreography. And dry ice.
Also, I kinda want a glo-dong to use as a night light.
We know they had to have purchased at least one power drill.
Seriously? ? What the actual motherfucking fuck?! O.o Also, glo-dong nightlights should *definitely* be a thing.
The crazy jumping guys. I want them to be my userpic somewhere.
LOL. Of course, being who I am, I got stuck on the spanking. Mm. Is it yummy?
Everything about this is the opposite of yummy.