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The Downsides to Having a Giant Dick

Linda: i have random totally unimportant self involved news. would you like to participate in my narcissism?

Joan: um. okay.

Linda: i know you are sitting there thinking “she is so fucking WEIRD”

Joan: actually, i am reading about ginormous schlong. you interrupted.

Linda: seriously? LINK.

Joan: YES. Seriously.

Linda: omg. you one upped me! i want to fuck him just to know what it would be like. Penis Mount Everest

Joan: i would be afraid of that peen

Linda: really? i’d just lube it up and go!

Joan: cervical bruising

Linda: oh. yeah, that might be a problem. my ex husband was 9″ erect, and it was too much. i like a normal sized penis really in all honestly, but i just would want to say I fucked the largest penis on record

Joan: yeah, i suppose there are bragging rights.

Linda: although, who could i really tell? LOL!

Joan: biggest dude i was ever with? it was too big. i almost felt bad for him.

Linda: i was with a guy like that too. he was honestly. HONESTLY. 11″ I measured. it was ridiculous.

Joan: yeah, i’m all… how do you not pass out? there was a dude we used to know. ex dh’s former roommate. the rumor was that he had gigantor dick. he was in a porn that some other dudes we knew had seen, wearing a long, blonde wig. it was second-hand confirmed dick

Linda: *snort*

Joan: and my sister and my gay roommate are all, BETWEEN THE TWO OF US WE WILL SEE THIS PEEN.

Linda: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joan: like, they had their bases covered. The pact was in place.

Linda: i am dying over here

Joan: and so, eventually, with the right party situation, my sister succeeds in getting him naked and erect. and this is like 5 am

Linda: omg

Joan: Then she comes downstairs at the crack of dawn, half-dressed, yelling up the stairs, YOU ARE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE NEAR ME WITH THAT THING!


Joan: she tells the gay roommate, I HAVE SEEN THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN, BEAVIS. and then we had to leave.



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  1. Conina
    Posted July 18, 2012 at 10:06 am | Permalink

    It’s not nice to make people giggle and draw attention to themselves.

    • Joan
      Posted July 19, 2012 at 1:08 pm | Permalink

      My work here is done. :)

  2. t1klish
    Posted July 31, 2012 at 5:53 pm | Permalink

    My man is like an inch too much for me in all of my openings. Rather frustrating actually. Whenever he goes in all the way it bangs into something and hurts.

    • Joan
      Posted August 1, 2012 at 5:26 pm | Permalink

      You know, in Penis Real Estate, an inch is quite a lot.

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