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The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 4

Or: Why We Should All Thank Kinsey, and Guard Against The Stupid as it Arrives Upon the Shores.



If you watch a lot of porn (and I do) you may notice that there’s a lot of supposed “squirting” and “gushing” going on out there.

And, like me, you may assume that it’s pee.

Because… well…

It’s pee.

I am not saying that every woman out there that says she’s mastered the fine art of “squirting” is peeing.  I am saying that those woman in porn?  The ones that can aim and hit a camera? Are peeing.

I’m not a fan.

First, who has the sort of time for doing that much laundry?

Second:  it’s a lie.

Now, a lot of porn-related notions are lies.  It’s nothing new. It’s only when the our goofy myths start to hurt people that I start to sneer.

Actually, if you want to have a good eye-roll, check out this Wiki entry on “Female Sexual Arousal Syndrome.”  (Which I like to think of as, “Maybe She’s Just Not That Into You Disease.”)

The only mention of female sexual arousal disorder in a peer-reviewed medical journal indicated that 43% of women suffer from FSD, however the survey turned out to not be a rigorous study. Of the handful of questions, if any respondent answered yes at any time, they were classified as having FSD. Here are the questions asked that respondents could only choose a response of Yes or No:

  • Lacked interest in having sex
  • Were unable to come to climax
  • Came to climax too quickly
  • Experienced physical pain during intercourse
  • Did not find sex pleasurable even if sex was not painful
  • Felt anxious just before having sex
  • Had trouble lubricating

Furthermore, the author Edward O. Laumann turned out to have financial ties to Pfizer, creator of Viagra.


If she’s not horny, she’s got a “syndrome.”


Calling Captain Phallus

Sometimes a Cigar is Just a Cigar, and Sometimes an Orgasm is a Way to Theorize Directly from Your Viennese Ass.

 In 1905, Freud stated that clitoral orgasms are purely an adolescent phenomenon and that upon reaching puberty, the proper response of mature women is a change-over to vaginal orgasms, meaning orgasms without any clitoral stimulation. While Freud provided no evidence for this basic assumption, the consequences of this theory were considerable. Many women felt inadequate when they could not achieve orgasm via vaginal intercourse alone, involving little or no clitoral stimulation, as Freud’s theory made penile-vaginal intercourse the central component to women’s sexual satisfaction.

If she’s not vaginally climaxing, she’s immature and neurotic.

We had several decades where 70 to 80% of women were incapable of achieving the right kind of orgasm.

After Kinsey suggested that clitoral orgasm was the norm people did math and science and Quaaludes and eventually, Masters and Johnson suggested that even vaginal orgasm was still actually clitoral orgasm.  The theory was that the talent for “vaginal” orgasm was largely related to how far away the clit was from the vaginal opening.

You’d think that the human body would be pretty darned well mapped, but as late as 2008, scientists were using MRIs to try to locate and identify lady parts. Really.  French researchers Odile Buisson and Pierre Foldès confirmed that the “erectile tissue of the clitoris engorges and surrounds the vagina.”  At this point, most scientists agree that the ‘g-spot’ is actually just another part of the clitoris. Not all.  But most.

Was anyone really attracted to Billy Crystal? I mean... really?

Was anyone really attracted to Billy Crystal? I mean… really?

No, Really. I’ve had a Point All Along.

So, here we are, in a world where women are peeing at cameras, and other women are claiming to be pioneers in tantra and “female ejaculation.” Hippie couples are running undoubtedly expensive seminars and retreats to “coach” you in the “ancient secrets” of “tantric g-spot orgasm.”  There are badly reviewed, self-published books for men that want to turn YOU into a “squirter.”

Imagine if you could give your partner the most powerful orgasm of her life and it was as easy as following a basic, straightforward set of instructions that are guaranteed to work. GOOD NEWS: IT IS THAT EASY!

It’s never that easy.

The “G-spot” isn’t an individual organ–it’s just more clit.  There are a couple of different organs in that area. One of them is the “Skene’s gland,” a vestigial organ (like male nipples), also called the “female prostate,” and it doesn’t even exist in all women.

According to a study at the University of Italy, Skene’s glands have “a highly variable anatomy, and in some extreme cases they appear to be missing entirely. If Skene’s glands are the cause of female ejaculation and G-spot-orgasms, this may explain the observed absence of these phenomena in many women.”

The prostate in men is functional because of testosterone–it produces a fifth to a third of the volume of any given ejaculation. So. A fully functioning, walnut sized prostate produces about a third to a fifth of a teaspoon of fluid, give or take.  And, the female prostate is many times smaller, occasionally not even there at all, and it does produce “some” fluid, in theory, which exits the urethra.

Deborah Sundahl suggests the female urethra can release, “cups full of erotic juices.”  Men don’t even produce cups of erotic juices with fully functioning, non vestigial prostates.

Unless the definition of “erotic juices” includes urine.

Now, if golden showers are your thing, then just own it. Love the pee. Embrace your inner pee fairy.

But keep your pee off me.

There’s always someone out there willing to tell women their orgasms are wrong.

They’re Satanic. They’re derived from the wrong organ. They’re too wet, too dry, too loud, too quiet. Fake. They take too long. They happen too readily.  I actually caught some radical feminists claiming that “real” orgasms are full body experiences of profound non-violent love and Real Lesbianic “gynergy” exchange, totally devoid of genital “colonization.”

No, I’m not kidding.  I’ll provide a link, if you want.

There’s always someone out there willing to tell women their orgasms are wrong.

Don’t let someone pee on you, and tell you it’s orgasm rain.

You don’t need training to have the “right” kind of orgasm. Fetuses masturbate in the womb.  We were born to rub one out.

You don’t need:

  1. weird positions
  2. specially trained muscles
  3. the mysterious ability to “really let go emotionally”
  4. because you’re probably just not trusting your partner enough
  5. or you’re uptight and repressed
  6. and you need some new age culturally-appropriated tantra
  7. or dick-centric seduction community ministrations
  8. where you fork over money for “secrets”

to have real, true, correct, and most-especially? Demonstrative orgasms.

Your orgasms are fine.

It’s 2012, and your orgasms are fine.

Let’s try to keep it that way, while we can.


The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 1
The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 2
The Female Orgasm: A Brief History, Part 3

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  1. Lily
    Twitter: MsLilyLloyd
    Posted October 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm | Permalink

    Actually, it’s both worse and better than that.

    Many women who are performing squirting in porn scenes have actually had sterile saline via a urethral catheter piped into their bladder. Well, for the high production values porn, anyway.

    If you see squirting fountains, it’s pee…or it’s saline.

    I’d push back on the “all squirting is urine” thing, however. My girlfriend is a squirter. Now, it’s not fountains, like porn, because real squirting isn’t. It’s more like a tablespoon or three, and more like a gush than a squirt. But it’s viscous, salty, and aromatic in the way that a woman’s natural lubrication is (though it is slightly more watery). It’s also sudden, and a lot, in a way that I don’t associate with your run-of-the-mill holy-shit-we’re-having-amazing-sex lubrication. But really, if you’ve seen/felt it in person, you’ll know that the real thing isn’t pee.

    • Joan
      Posted October 9, 2012 at 6:26 pm | Permalink

      Many women who are performing squirting in porn scenes have actually had sterile saline via a urethral catheter piped into their bladder. Well, for the high production values porn, anyway.

      That is horrifying.

      • Lily
        Twitter: MsLilyLloyd
        Posted October 9, 2012 at 7:47 pm | Permalink

        Unless it’s your kink. Because. Yanno.

        Heh ;-)

        • Joan
          Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:02 am | Permalink

          No. I am still horrified. I ain’t gonna stop anyone from doing it in their own homes and all, but omg, all I can think of is infections.

  2. t1klish
    Posted October 9, 2012 at 7:32 pm | Permalink

    I find myself complaining on my blog about this new squirting phenomenon as well. How can it go from squirting is pretty much unheard of, to all women should be squirting, in a matter of months. It’s ridiculous. And Apparently men, even those in middle-age with lots of experience, who should certainly know better, are buying into this all women should be squirting garbage. Not to mention the all women should be multi-orgasmic garbage. Men see something in porn and they immediately want and expect it in real life.

    As I’ve said elsewhere, it was good news when they announced that it’s normal to have clitorial and not vaginal orgasms. Thankfully, I grew up in the 70′s so I know it’s normal, so I didn’t let them make me feel inadequate for not having g-spot orgasms in the last decade, and now for not squirting in this one.

    I also don’t want to be strangled. But that’s a whole other subject.

    • Joan
      Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:10 am | Permalink

      I really think the male response to this Ancient/Brand New squirting thing is, um, odd. I ended up reading a lot of threads about this, trying to write this entry, and seriously, that’s some of the strangest debate on the internet.

  3. Lily
    Twitter: MsLilyLloyd
    Posted October 9, 2012 at 7:49 pm | Permalink

    Also, I LUFF this series. LUFF IT.

    • Lily
      Twitter: MsLilyLloyd
      Posted October 9, 2012 at 8:24 pm | Permalink

      I luff it mainly because I think the whole policing womens’ orgasms as the “right kind” or not is complete and total bullshit. I’m always seeing threads on Fetlife, written by women, about how they can “learn” to come via penetration, or without a vibrator, or WHATEVER.

      And it’s all bullshit! How a woman comes is HOW SHE COMES. If she needs a vibrator to get there, her boyfriend should be ready to take a pop quiz on the online catalogues of both Babeland and Good Vibrations, with essay questions on the pros and cons of battery-powered vs. AC/plug in style vibes. If penetration doesn’t get her off, her partner should be boning up on the secrets of the clit jedi.

      • Joan
        Posted October 10, 2012 at 11:17 am | Permalink

        OOOH! Or, the super-trained Orgasm Via Password club. “She comes every time I say ‘wiffle bat.’ Bow down, I r Masterblaster Dom. Anyone can be trained to come on command.”

        I know a woman that claims to have an orgasm from the removal of cufflinks. I just smile and nod.

  4. Rich
    Posted November 12, 2012 at 9:10 pm | Permalink

    I think you should dial it back a little, Joan. My girlfriend does ejaculate and it’s really a known quantity. And, she has to pee after she ejaculates. It’s two separate items.

    But I agree with you that the very idea someone has to conform their orgasm to a standard is completely obnoxious. Try telling a man how he’s supposed to orgasm. Just try. And try and try. It will never work. Nature takes its course.

    I think the broader lesson is that if a woman ejaculates that’s nothing to worry about or be ashamed of. Part of the beauty of lady parts is their variety. The many variations are wonderful and leave lots to be explored.

    • Joan
      Posted November 12, 2012 at 9:34 pm | Permalink

      Cups and cups?

      • Van Knowlton
        Posted November 28, 2012 at 10:24 pm | Permalink

        Help me…I am an old man who does not understand anything about technology. I am not so ignorant as to expect that beautiful young women would be interested in me. However, I am, 68 years old, 6 foot 3, 195 lbs. , play golf 2 days a week, senior softball 2 days a week, do my own laundry, and think about sex the rest of the time…except when my kids and grandkids are here.

  5. Van Knowlton
    Posted November 28, 2012 at 3:41 pm | Permalink

    I find it absolutely amazing that with all of the medical sanners…etc. that we have we are still having a discussion about anatomy. I have read every book that I can in an attempt to please the ladies I am with. You ladies are just confusing me. Is the g-spot at the bottom of vagina…or is behind the clitoris on those ruffled ridges? What should I rough or gentle? Bite your shoulder or let you bite mine? Is that squirt…pee or cum? If it is pee does it thrill you? You see…one of the things you ladies have not addressed is this…My job…and it IS a job I love…is to make sure that when we have completed making love is that you are satiated…that you are completely exhausted…that you want to touch your beautiful vagina and say…OOOO! Then I will need to kiss you behind your ear and say…Oh, my God!…that is the best loving I have ever had!!!

    I don’t know what else to do…please help me.

    • Joan
      Posted November 29, 2012 at 7:42 pm | Permalink

      I can do an anatomy entry.

      As for the rest, every woman is different.

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  • By Review of “Katie-bug” by Joan Defers | Lindsey's Tendency on November 25, 2013 at 5:17 am

    […] “Well,” Joan would answer, “you know this ‘gushing’ is really just pee, right?” […]

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